I’m a Licensed Hypnotherapist — Here Are Some Tips for Spicing Up Your Love Life Using Hypnotherapy
Working with hypnosis clients over the years, my specialty centered around self-love and opening oneself up to love (and then spicing up the relationship more once they found their ideal romantic situation).
Part of trusting in love or your body is stripping away all of the commands or suggestions that society ingrains in you. Hypnosis helps you become more confident, comfortable, and at ease with your desires.
Hypnosis, as we know it, can be traced back to a gentleman named Frank Mesmer in the 18th Century. Mesmer’s last name is the root of what hypnosis was initially called — mesmerism.
However, hypnosis tools can go back to every culture at every time, including meditation, prayer, spiritual and religious rites, the hedonistic festivals of the ancients, and even the simple act of staring at a candle.
All of these can create a trance state that motivates your subconscious mind in one way or another. In a modern sense, hypnosis can be as simple as zoning out to your favorite television show, knowing your commute so well that you don’t need to pay attention to the exits while driving, scrolling for hours on TikTok, or listening to a song and getting lost in it.
Hypnosis happens to us all the time, everywhere, whether we know it or not.
This was one of the first things I learned when I did a year-long study program to become a licensed clinical hypnotherapist – the power of the human mind, but also the power of the trance-state.
I wanted to bring back the magical aspects of hypnosis and have better control over my mind and body. I thought, “How can I dehypnotize myself so I am more aware of what motivates me?” My second thought was, “How can I replace external hypnosis with more pleasure, relaxation, happiness, and compassionate self-control?”
Penn Medicine says that the trance state helps with everyday issues like insomnia and anxiety by “encouraging your body to activate its natural relaxation response through the use of a phrase or nonverbal cue, slowing breathing, lowering blood pressure, and instilling an overall sense of well-being.”
In an erotic sense, all of these connect to love and sexuality: in spicy words that create arousal, in the slowing of our breath to control the rhythm of physical excitement, in the deep relaxation that encourages tension release, and the sense of well-being that comes from the ecstatic or orgasmic states.
What are some practical tips to apply this to your dating life?
First, we start with loving yourself.
Self-confidence and self-respect: A simple, easy-to-do kind of hypnosis is affirmation. Affirmations are great to start the day with to set the tone for your feelings. Repeating affirmations such as “My body is precious to me and deserves to be loved and adored” or “I am worthy, perfect, and complete just the way I am” can rewrite your neural pathways. The subconscious mind can accept this new mindset faster than one may think.
Next, it helps to release any blocks related to past relationship challenges, whether caused by friends, family, lovers, or even yourself. Sometimes we can break our own hearts.
Broken hearts or trust issues: It’s almost impossible to have a healthy or thriving relationship when you don’t trust the love or attraction of a potential partner. My philosophy is that it starts with trusting yourself and your own body and mind to make the best decisions for you. An erotic hypnosis technique that may help? Orgasmic meditation. Often shortened to the acronym OM, orgasmic meditation is a mindfulness-based sexual practice that incorporates the trance state with a state of physical arousal. According to Neuroscience News, “‘Orgasmic meditation’ produces a distinct pattern of brain activity, researchers report. The practice alters activity in the frontal lobe and temporal lobe, an area of the brain associated with emotional processing.” On top of that, “patients reported profound spiritual experiences including intense feelings of oneness, unity, and connectedness.” While most studies included a “stroker” and a “strokee,” I encourage you to try orgasmic meditation by yourself – at least at first. The idea here is to facilitate trust and openness – from you to you.
Need some tips on how to do it? Healthline can set you up for success (and set the mood).
Once you get into a relationship or relationships that feel good, hypnotherapy tools like progressive relaxation, imagery, and affirmation can help you:
Be confident to ask for what you want, what you need, and how to set boundaries
Continue to help you with relationship self-sabotage or anxiety-related blocks
Increase your magnetism and make you seem more alluring to your partner
Erotic hypnosis, sometimes called sexual hypnosis, can then help set a wildfire in your sex life by:
Decreasing or eliminating anxiety around sexual performance
Maximizing your sexual arousal and reaching orgasm more deeply
Feeling more confident and luscious in your body
Using hypnosis as a form of consensual teasing or domination
Opening you up to your more creative, playful, confident self
Like mostly all hypnosis, the benefits of erotic hypnosis don’t happen overnight. You have to train the subconscious like a muscle – the good thing about teaching that subconscious muscle, however, is that, unlike other muscles in our body, it always retains some decent strength even if you forget to exercise it.
There are plenty of erotic hypnosis videos on YouTube, but I encourage you to craft your own practice with your lovers.
Here are some starting tips:
Always get consent. Hypnosis is a potent tool. It shouldn’t be used on someone without their knowledge. Otherwise, it becomes predatory and manipulative. Make sure your partner is aligned with using hypnosis, and also know that you shouldn’t make someone do anything through hypnosis that is against their genuine desire.
Know what you are both trying to accomplish. Looking to tease and tantalize? You’ll want to choose hypnosis strategies that are lighthearted, flirtatious, and playful. Trying to dominate your partner? You might need to use some more aggressive language. Set the parameters so no one gets confused or hurt.
Start every session with a progressive relaxation of some kind. Following the touch of a feather or finger slowly up the body could work, or even the gentle smack of a paddle of each body part. Find what works for you, but take it slow and sensual. This is how you enter the most profound, luscious hypnotic trance. Stretch it out.
Create a collective fantasy. Guided imagery is a massive part of hypnosis practices. You can think of guided imagery as the “role-play” of hypnosis. In this case, one or all participants use their imagination to fantasize that something arousing is happening. It could be as complex as talking through a story where you are both horny elves in Lord of the Rings, describing every detail of that Tolkien world, or as simple as having your partner imagine you are touching them when you aren’t. Descriptive details and adjectives enhance this part of hypnosis, so if that’s not your forte, keep it simple.
Don’t strive for a “happy ending.” But definitely set the tone for it. Have you ever noticed when you whisper, “I am about to come” in a partner’s ear, how much that turns them on? Think of that as an affirmation. What are some erotic affirmations that help take you to orgasm? Maybe write them down for your partner to say and vice versa. These phrases mustn’t be used excessively, but right when you are at the edge of the trance state, right before the orgasmic state. This technique is used in regular hypnosis as well! The desire is strongest when the body and mind are most expansive.
If it feels awkward the first few times, try again. Remember, this is a muscle you are training. Using hypnosis on your (or your partner’s) mind to encourage orgasm might be new for your mind and body to learn.
