Katy O’Brian on Confidence, Self-Defense, and Love Lies Bleeding
Tunneling through violence, vulnerability, endurance, and erotic encounters, Katy O’Brian tailors emotional torrents with a decided, confident strength, dazzling audiences in Love Lies Bleeding. Yet it is her life off the screen that is arguably as captivating – an unorthodox career path and challenging personal struggles have cemented her as a canon of reinvention, reclamation, and resilience.
KP: I have to start by saying that I read that you were bullied by an older boy at school, which initially got you involved with karate as a form of self-defense, and after college, you became a bodybuilder in order to grow in confidence. Other than running media outlets, I just started development on a digital platform called Uppercut that is committed to teaching women self-defense after I lost my close friend due to a sexual assault, so self-defense means the world to me – I just think all of that is the coolest. What do you feel this journey has taught you about yourself? Do you have any tips for women who may want to learn self-defense and become more confident in their bodies and physical abilities?
KO: First of all, Uppercut sounds amazing and I think it’s incredible you started it to pay homage to a friend and spawn something positive out of something so tragic.
Martial arts has always been a way for me to clear my head, build confidence, and learn new ways that the human body works. Every day that I go into class, I’m humbled. There is always someone better than me to spar with and so I have to go in with the understanding that in a way, I will fail, but I will always gain something in return.
I know a lot of people are afraid to start training and that’s totally normal. It’s intimidating to walk into a martial arts school, especially as a woman, because you’re almost guaranteed to be the minority. Starting in women’s classes could be a way to build confidence, or I highly recommend trying several schools and sticking with the ones that emphasize safety and go out of their way to make you feel welcome. I’ve gone to too many schools where people are too aggressive and get injured all the time. You can’t train if you’re always getting hurt, so it’s just not worth it to put yourself through that when there are plenty of responsible gyms out there.
KP: I am also someone who was incredibly bullied as a young girl, mostly due to my sexuality, something that I never denied or was ever apologetic about. What advice would you lend to young women who are struggling with much of the same? Is there anything that helped you get through those times? Or is there anything in particular that you’d remind yourself of?
KO: It’s hard to give advice on this because everyone is going to have different experiences, comfort zones, home lives, etc. After a short stint of bullying in kindergarten, I was fortunate enough to not be bullied again in school – at least not in a physical intimidation way and never for my sexuality or perceived sexuality, which is surprising coming from a more conservative state. That being said, I didn’t come out until I was much older and marvelously had many queer friends. Online bullying is something I didn’t even have to worry about until now, and with that, I either just avoid being online or am liberal with the block button. It’s not worth my time.
It is important to find people who genuinely love you, push you to be your best self, and find things that you’re passionate about. Grade school can be such a shit time with everyone trying to figure out who they are (and hormones running amok) that it sometimes feels like an act of patience and resilience. Plant seeds for success for the future and fuck the haters.
KP: You took a huge risk years ago – after working as a cop, you decided to move thousands of miles away to LA to pursue a career in acting. I find people who take chances like that to be so inspiring. What advice would you lend to women who want to take a huge leap like that, but may be hesitant to do so?
KO: Take your time, make a plan, and have a backup. I always wanted to act – it was kind of an obsession of mine, and I always wanted to move to the West coast. I was going to get there one way or another, so I saved up some money and did it. I used networking to get a bunch of survival jobs and worked really hard to stay afloat for a couple of years. I am a big fan of setting goals: major goals that take a while to achieve, and then attainable ones that gradually help you build to the larger ones.
The other thing I’d say is know 100% that whatever you’re making this big move for is what you want to do. There’s literally nothing I would rather do than act. It’s where my heart feels joy. If I thought I could love anything just as much, I would do that instead, and if I wasn’t completely certain it’s what I wanted to do, I would have stayed home until I figured it out.
“Martial arts has always been a way for me to clear my head, build confidence, and learn new ways that the human body works. Every day that I go into class, I’m humbled. There is always someone better than me to spar with and so I have to go in with the understanding that in a way, I will fail, but I will always gain something in return.”
KP: Your character in Love Lies Bleeding is absolutely fascinating. For those who are not familiar with the film, would you care to tell us a bit about the plot itself?
KO: What is Love Lies Bleeding about? One thing I love about Indie film is that you can really draw a ton of interpretation. I think it’s about love. What we do for love, what we tolerate for love, the addiction of love. The plot… my god.
A girl comes to new city, meets another girl with problems, falls in love, tries to help with the problems, and it all spirals out of control! It’s chaos.
KP: Being a bodybuilder in the film, I imagine that there wasn’t much you had to prep for in that regard, but was there anything that you did otherwise to prepare for the role in general?
KO: Just so everyone knows: I do not walk around like that year round! Good food is my love language, and I grew up with a mom who fried everything in bacon fat, so I generally keep in shape, but I don’t stick with the strict discipline of a bodybuilder who’s gearing toward competition or a fitness model.
It’s not healthy, especially for women, to be that lean year-round. Bodybuilding is actually a wild sport and everyone has their interpretations for how to get to the finish line. The coach I worked with on this, Steve Zim, was amazing because I was able to eat a comfortable amount of food the entire time, my exercises never really changed in intensity, he was cognizant of keeping me safe and healthy, and he made it overall just an easy process. I was never tired, stiff, or hungry, and that’s a huge win. Plus, he specializes in training people for the camera so he altered my workouts so that muscles would pop for the camera and not just stage. I was so happy with the result.
Outside of bodybuilding, I worked with the amazing acting coach, Larry Moss, to truly dip into Jackie and the script. I genuinely feel like I knew who Jackie was the moment that I read the script, but doing the work to really fit her character into the scenarios was important, plus to make sure that everything aligned with Kristen’s vision for Lou and Rose’s vision for the film.
KP: When we speak to actresses for Noir, so often I find it fascinating because there are some women who try to find roles that they can actively see themselves in and there are others who look for the polar opposite. Did you see any of yourself within Jackie, or is she someone who you feel is quite disparate from who you are personally as a woman?
KO: I loved Jackie dearly. I did see so much of myself in her. She’s from the Midwest, she’s moving to the west with lofty goals, she finds love along the way that she would do anything for… The huge difference is that Jackie grew up without an abundance of love, and that just made me want to love and protect her more. I was inspired by Jackie. Her confidence and tenacity are incredible, but she has a darkness that stems from a trauma that I think a lot of women can relate to.
That being said, I love to branch out and play characters that people might not expect. I feel like my job is to bring what I can of myself to these characters with different life experiences who are under unique circumstances. You can generally find a part of you in anybody – you might not exercise that part of yourself often, but film allows you to explore that.
KP: In an interview with them, you stated, “Oftentimes, queer people are still side characters. It would be cool to see more elevated queer main characters. I did Black Lightning, and one of the leads on that was queer, so that’s cool to see. I’d like to see, one day, that kind of not be a factor, but we’re still a long way from that.” As a gay woman myself, I couldn’t agree more with this statement. Representation is so important, but it’s also just as important to treat queer people with a radical sense of normalcy. For as long as we are the token, we will never be considered part of the majority, which, I believe, is what we should all be searching for. We just got our first gay relationship in Star Wars in 2022, which was a long time coming, and you starred in The Mandalorian. Does any of this work into your process for picking roles or sorting through scripts, or is it more of a happy accident once you come across it?
KO: I think a bit of both. To be fair, of all the characters I’ve played, Jackie is the only one confirmed to be queer. Everyone else just assumes that my other characters are gay because I am. I love telling queer stories and understand the importance of seeing yourself represented as just someone in love, and the thing I think I loved most about Love Lies Bleeding is that it was just that. The queerness of the characters has nothing to do with the plot or any of the conflict in the story. It’s just there. That was a role I fought for. Admittedly, I just want to tell unique stores about unique people that excite people, regardless of sexuality. If the story happens to be queer, that’s great, but I want the relationships to be purposeful and bring depth to the story.
KP: Similarly, in this same interview, you stated that something you loved about Love Lies Bleeding is that it’s a queer love story that doesn’t center around someone coming out. In your words, “the queerness is not the conflict.” Again, this is something that I wholeheartedly agree with, and it got me thinking about other queer stories that you can say the same about, and I realized with so many, you can’t. What are some of your favorite films or even TV shows with queer storylines? They can revolve around tragedy, I’ll make this easier for you.
KO: My wife and I just watched Park Chan-wook’s The Handmaiden after wanting to see it forever, and I IMMEDIATELY recognized it as an adaptation of Sara Water’s novel, Fingersmith. I love her queer romance novels and I loved this movie because, once again, the queerness wasn’t the conflict of the story. It was unapologetically gay. The director loves to tap into forbidden love and taboo in his films, but in this, the taboo wasn’t about the sexuality of the characters, rather it was within their circumstances. A tonal 180: I just watched Bottoms and enjoyed that. It’s fun to see the chaos of the 90’s coming back a bit in film where you can just have fun and chaos in a movie and not worry about it having a heavy message in the end.
KP: So it’s time for me to admit something publicly: I have never seen Star Wars. Or anything Star Wars related at all. One of my ex-girlfriends was super into Battlestar Galactica and that’s as close as I’ve ever gotten to anything intergalactic on the screen. I really didn’t hate it, though. From someone who has been involved in the series, I may want a little primer, so where’s a good place to start? I’m so lost and I feel so lost but I would like to be a little more educated and cultured on the phenomenon that is everything Star Wars.
KO: LOL, look: I hardly watch sci-fi at all. I really hadn’t watched a ton of Star Wars until I booked this job and then I sat down and watched everything by release date. I think the original trilogy is a wonderful place to start, but chronological order might be best if you really want to understand how the world works.
KP: What do you feel makes a provocative woman?
KO: Confidence. Mastery. Her doing her thing.
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Photography: Daniel Prakopcyk
